If you think a separation is on the cards, considering your finances should be one of the top priorities. The timing of your separation really does matter where money is concerned.
‘Many of my clients take advice well before any separation. Usually their spouse does not know, and no decisions had been made’ says Fiona McLeman. ‘They want to know what to expect and the practical steps they can take to best protect themselves. They may well not have considered tax issues. It’s then quite usual to see those clients again 6-12 months later. That’s when, not only are they emotionally ready for divorce, but also better prepared in practical and financial terms’
Here are some important factors to consider well before you walk away.
Tax tax tax
When you are married you can make tax free transfers between each other without attracting Capital Gains Tax. Once you separated, you have until the end of that tax year to make tax free transfers. This is particularly important where assets such as property are concerned. “Even if you continue to live under the same roof, you may be ‘on the clock’ if you have taken formal legal steps towards a separation. I always advise my clients to exercise caution and consider delaying a separation until after 4 April if that is feasible” says Karen Fox.
If you’ve got a buy to let, don’t assume you can move into it on separation. Check the mortgage terms. Many mortgage companies won’t agree to this. ‘Many clients make the mistake of thinking that they own the property and can just move in, but it may be a serious breach of the mortgage terms that usually prohibit landlords from occupying their own property’ says Christina Hale of FM Family Law.
Maintain spending patterns
You will need to produce a budget as part of the disclosure process and it’s important to show your usual spending, especially if maintenance is under consideration. Although it may feel counterintuitive to maintain your outgoings when finances are most likely to be under pressure, it’s necessary to help assess the correct level of spousal maintenance. Don’t significantly decrease your spending or your quality of life to save money in the short term.
Get financial advice
You’re going to be making some important decisions about your money. We recommend advice from experts in their field such as Fiona Sharp and Stephanie Clark at www.vervefinancialplanning.co.uk “if you need help with your post separation budgeting or clear direction through a pensions maze then I can guide you” says Fiona Sharp.
You’ve got joint banking?
The Money Advice Service suggests that if you have joint accounts or loans with your ex-partner, you should contact your bank or loan provider to explain what has happened. This is especially important if your break-up isn’t amicable. However, warns Sue Bailey, ‘be wary that banks can freeze joint bank accounts if they consider there is a dispute between you and your spouse. This can be hard to undo, as well as potentially costly in the legal costs of unravelling a frozen bank account and reorganizing finances’
Watch out for the credit cards / overdraft
You are each jointly and severally liable for any joint debt. If your partner plunders the joint account and it goes overdrawn, you will be liable for it all.
Prepared to be full and frank?
As part of your divorce process, you will both be expected to give full and frank disclosure about your finances. You should not be able to keep assets, investments or funds hidden. Typically the financial disclosure process looks back only over the last 12 months when your bank statements for that period will be disclosed. Is there anything there you might not want disclosed? Watch out though as in some cases, a longer period of financial disclosure may be ordered by the court.
Don’t assume that you can go on a forensic fishing exercise. There are strict rules about how to deal with financial papers you’ve got hold of that don’t belong to you. Take advice and deal with the disclosure process properly.
FM Family Law are experts in giving pragmatic and sensible legal advice about the law, but also how best to prepare for separation: legal and financial.
Fiona McLeman founded FM Family Law in 2011 (then known as Fiona McLeman Family Law). The name change came about in 2014/5 when the size of firm grew beyond expectation. On opening a second office in Norwich, Fiona and the team felt that it was no longer appropriate to define the firm so markedly with Fiona’s full name. Fiona’s vision in 2011 was towards long-term employee retention, allowing (what is currently) an all-female team to work flexibly, whilst fully engaging in both business and family responsibilities. It’s a balance Fiona wasn’t able to achieve as well in her previous firms, and indeed, business ownership can give women the autonomy they need to manage multiple responsibilities simultaneously
“My vision of owning my own law firm came to me in the wee hours while tending to my then 6mth old. What’s made it the success story it is, was to have modest expectations and to grow exponentially and organically. This allowed me to be a hands on mother, and be at the school gate which is important to me, as much as to be a great lawyer and business owner. With the right support in place I think you can be both.”
Here are some other local success stories.
Jan Godfrey MBE and Susan Hollingsworth founded Wayland Women in Business in 2006. They were struck by the number of women who were finding it difficult to compete in the world of work.
‘Some worked in a male dominated field and could not get their voice heard; some were juggling home and family with work and missed out on opportunities for networking and learning; some were bumping their heads on glass ceilings, finding that however good they were at their job, they could not get promotion beyond a certain level; some simply recognised that they lacked the confidence to step onto the next rung.’
13 years on they have created a network of women who share ideas and good practice, develop client contacts and learn new skills. Meeting bi-monthly at Broom Hall Country Hotel in Norfolk, their numbers are steadily increasing – spurred on by a packed out seasonal events, like the Christmas lunch attended by Karen of FM Family Law this year.
Building networks of inspirational businesswomen is key to boosting the numbers of future female business leaders. Kelly Molson, founded digital agency Rubber Cheese in 2003. In 2017 followed Mob Happy, an organization to support female agency owners and to help them inspire up-and-coming leaders. They invest in enterprise days and confidence building workshops in primary schools – aimed at ultimately increasing the percentage of female business owners. Kelly was shortlisted for the DevelopHER Awards for her commitment to raise the profile of women in technology, and, she says, ‘competition can be celebrated’.
‘I’m a huge supporter of other independent agencies, in fact anyone who’s got the balls to set up on their own. I can learn from them as much as they can learn from me’
Kelly is dedicated to helping women in their professional development, but she also shares her personal story to support people struggling with fertility issues. Celebrating 15 years as an agency, Rubber Cheese has channeled its energies into raising £15k for the Tamba, Twins and multiple Births association‘ because they helped Kelly get through 2017’. That year, after a difficult IVF journey, Kelly and her partner Lee lost their twin girls, Lily May and Ava Allison. Through fundraising and her determination to speak publicly about their profound grief, Kelly shows us that the personal and the private ‘are all part of us whether we like it or not, and the things we’ve been affected by will shape the course of our lives forever.’
Recognising the often unspoken difficulties that people face in their personal lives through her very public profile, Kelly hoped to relieve some of the isolation faced by women in similar circumstances. Kelly is constantly reaching out to build links, in recognition that support is a vital part of our personal – as well as professional – journeys.
Indeed, writes Jo Kruczynska, building a strong team to support you as a business-owner is key.
‘I would recommend getting a team structure in place to ensure that you are able to step away from the business when you need to … Being able to step back and see the bigger picture is so important, and not something you can do when you’re getting up at dawn and working 70 + hours a week.’
Jo organised sell-out supper clubs and baked Cambridge’s most sought-after cakes, before founding Afternoon Tease Cafe. The popularity of the café was unrivalled, with food made completely from scratch and queues out of the door on weekends. Jo devoted the 4 years of Afternoon Tease solely to her business, and put holidays, time-off and socialising on hold. ‘This was ok for a while’ she says, ‘but was not sustainable for me personally’. To city-wide dismay, Afternoon Tease closed its doors in 2017, but Jo has found a better way of structuring her business
‘I now have my life back and am enjoying a flexible way of working…I’m not afraid of working hard but being able to take a break every now and again is great!’
Jo now takes cake orders @AfternoonTease and supplies some of the cities most popular venues.
Running a business is characterized by this tension between flexibility and pressure. Particularly in hospitality, where recruitment is a challenge, the freedom of self-employment is often over-ridden by the all-consuming nature of day-to-day operations.
‘I find time management can be a challenge’ writes Faye Morray-Jones Knight of Novi ‘especially when I go in the building and notice lots of things that need doing, so tend to get caught up, rather than doing my own work.’
Faye and husband Matt have worked hard since the business rebranded in 2014, developing the Novi brand into a ‘unique inspirational venue with two identities’: daytime café and kitchen, and nighttime cocktail bar – open from 9am to 3am.
The creative opportunities afforded by such a versatile venue are enormous, and today as the Bookings and Events Manager, Faye’s job varies from wedding parties to corporate bookings. For 14 years, her husband Matt ran the venue:
‘It was particularly difficult when the children were younger and Matt was often working long, unsociable hours. At the time I worked elsewhere, so we would often work opposite shifts in order to share childcare but the business gave us the flexibility to do this. ‘
Just like the multiple identities of Novi, women in business have several selves to juggle. It’s important to recognise that we are many things, and that our experience goes far beyond the day job. These women show that the limitations sometimes placed on us by inflexible roles can be overcome by finding our niche. That means not being afraid to step away when things aren’t right, to etch out a new role based on our strengths, and to form strong partnerships with those around us for support.
‘Put on your own mask first, BEFORE you help others’
Facing your first Christmas and New Year after separation can be a challenging time. In December we shared information about some local outdoor spaces – places to take long, reflective, healing walks with family and friends over the holiday period. But now that the holidays are at an end, it’s a difficult time with many of us re-entering the workplace and adjusting to the start of the kids’ school term.
Many of us have news we aren’t quite ready to share, or feelings that we that we want to keep hidden. Time for you is key and at this busy time, at the start of a new year, we want to remind you to make time for you. Scheduling time to look after yourself, to pursue your own interests and to care for your own health is not selfish. Those who depend on you will experience the benefits too. So with that in mind, here are some Self Care recommendations.
Imagine a ‘breathing / bathing space’ with wooden hot tubs, a hilltop sauna and a terrace café close to the city yet out in the countryside. It’s a dream right? Wrong. PAUS Cambridge is our new ‘go to’ retreat. It’s open on weekends throughout the year.
It might be a bleak midwinter but Czech owner Alexandra recommends the winter months as the best time to maximize the restorative effects of the 40degree water. Book in with a group of friends for an afternoon, or take a look at their workshops and retreats. From ‘Coffee and Canvas’ painting classes to Santosha Yoga, the events are great opportunities to socialise and to try something different.
Satyam Yoga offer beginner and restorative yoga classes, as well as ‘women’s circles’ – a group experience with the opportunity to ’step out of your busy life for an evening of gentle reconnection’. Their website even explains,
‘Don’t feel you have to bring your best self or stay away because you are not feeling great. You are most welcome to bring your authentic self, just as you are right now in your own particular cycle of ups and downs’
Hitting the gym is a New Year’s cliché, but we all know that breaking a sweat is a fantastic way to offload negative feelings, and feel better about yourself. Try losing yourself for a moment in an intensive activity, like Puregym’s ‘Sweat 30’ or ‘Burn It’ classes. Their new Grafton Centre branch has opened a stone’s throw from FM Family Law’s offices and we recommend their affordable no-obligation monthly memberships (£12.99), multitude of classes and spacious layout. If you have a hectic lifestyle and find it hard to schedule gym trips into your commuting or childcare schedule, the Leisure Park PureGym is open 24 hours. It has a handy app to check out busy times and quiet times and to keep tab on your attendance. The app allows you to prebook into classes to incentivize you to go. Just ask Fiona!
David Lloyd Gym is another excellent choice, especially if you have children. It has a crèche available for children from 3 months old, kids play area and an afternoon kids club. These options give single or working parents the flexibility to visit the gym, to have a swim and sauna, or just a quiet coffee break. Their new Blaze classes create the ultimate immersive environment in a specially built studio. It is suitable for fitness beginners and the people (instructors and participants) are particularly friendly and encouraging.
Taking walks with family and friends can be a great healer. In the winter months, when we wake before sunrise and don’t feel the sun on our skin, our mood can become suppressed and the emotional toll of relationship breakdown can be confounded. We recommend the National Trust properties surrounding Cambridge – suitable for young and old – such as Anglesey Abbey. If the kids are distracted and happy, we all feel calmer: They have children’s maps with wildlife searching tasks, binoculars & magnifying glasses, an adventure playground and a cozy café.
Also try Ickworth House and Hotel, equi-distant between our Cambridge and Norwich offices. The grounds and gardens are wonderful for a visit, but if you’re in need of some R&R, the hotel has a spa, pool and kids facilities: a fully staffed crèche, kids high tea and baby monitors so you can eat dinner after bedtime.
Beauty & Alternative Therapies
We’re not talking about a ‘new you.’ But beauty treatments can give you the self-esteem boost you might need in challenging times, as well as the chance to really ‘do nothing’ for a change. For hair we like Bamboo on Mill Road, and Ella Cain’s-Sola at Maluku hairdressing – both with great conversation and excellent coffee, too. Lucy, originally from Glassworks, does Christina’s beauty treatments at her home salon, called Lucy’s Beauty.
For massages and facials we recommend Jennie Hart Aromatherapy for her holistic approach to wellbeing. ‘Imagine that your only job for an hour is to listen to your heart (rather than your busy mind)’ she writes, ‘chances are that feeling more connected to your body, feeling cared for, and taking even an hour to yourself would do you the world of good.’ We hear you, Jenny.
Rosalind Bubb is an EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapist) and TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique) practitioner. Personally recommended by Christina, she uses energy meridian therapies, as well as acupressure and modern psychology to help people feel happy, calm and well. Rosalind is a skilful and caring therapist, who will quickly put you at your ease. She is easy to talk to and has a light touch. There is often some laughter when you work with her – even when the topic is serious.
Seek Professional Help
Finally, it’s important to emphasise that self-care can take many forms. If you’re feeling low, isolated, or very stressed, seek help from a qualified counsellor or health professional. Fiona is a trustee of Relate Cambridge, an organization with over 30 counsellors who have experience with individuals, couples, young people and families.
We also recommend Jane McCann of McCann Consultancy. She’s a counsellor and mediator on Burleigh St near our offices, and extremely well regarded in our community. What’s more, she’s a lovely lady and a good sport, too. Marie Edgar offers counselling and psychotherapy, with experience in addiction therapy. Her calm Scottish tones are very reassuring! Meeting good, kind people on this journey – sharing your story with them and asking for their support – is the type of self-care that will get you through the darker days.
Finally, if you need assistance in legal advice or mediation, FM Family Law can help. Getting information about your rights is empowering and liberating. We are experts with decades of experience in family law and we can help you help yourself. Our mediation process enables you to discuss all issues arising from your separation, but away from court and lawyers www.fmfamilylaw.co.uk/what-we-do/mediation/
24thJune 2016 – The day I learned a separation was inevitable.
I knew, when I woke up that day that things had changed forever. Sure, we hadn’t separated legally or financially at that time but I knew our relationship was over. I had no choice than to leave you. It was over.
I also knew there was so much to sort out. What was that feeling? Bewilderment? Fear? Regret? Excitement? A new future…almost in reach? Confusion? Sadness? All of it…
Sure, our relationship was far from harmonious – some people didn’t even know we were on the rocks. When the end did finally come, we were as shocked as everyone else. [Guardian, UK votes to leave after dramatic night divides nation]
Initially perhaps I was still in denial. Couldn’t we still make it work? What about all the good times – all the things that we have in common. Our fisheries! Our agricultural policy! Maybe it was just a phase. Maybe we could still change our minds [BBC News, Brexit Ruling: UK can cancel decision, EU court says].
Maybe with third party help, we could get through. We did try to renegotiate our terms, to fix what was broken. But you just couldn’t change. [The Independent, What Cameron wanted – and what he really got]
It’s tough that only one of us made the call to break up, and it’s fair to say that this has made reaching a divorce agreement a slow and painful process. Our lives have been intertwined for so long that it’s hard to picture going it alone. I’m scared. I don’t have a choice now as I’ve made the decision. I can’t turn back. I’m nervous yet I’m making myself feel better with thoughts of a clean break, new opportunities, and a fresh start. No more shared responsibilities… the freedom to make new relationships – it’s all in sight! Or is it?
We are still so entangled. We live and work so close to each other that we’ll still have to be neighbours, and cross each other’s paths a lot. Sure, we’ll put the kids first and share custody. Our financial responsibilities to each other still have to be fulfilled [Financial Times, Brexit Divorce Deal]. We’ve made contributions to each other in different ways over the years. It doesn’t end just because I have stopped loving you
But maybe it’s better this way. Staying at arms’ reach. Over time, perhaps our relationship will flourish with a new mutual respect for each other. We’ll have space. We can spend time with other people. After all, I’ve always considered myself a ‘free trade agreement’ kind of a guy [David Davis in Conservative Home].
Yet I worry that this isn’t going to be the clean break I thought I wanted. We like the same things. I stopped loving you but we like doing a lot of the same stuff. What if we still want to go to the same places on holiday? Can I still use your parents’ house in St Tropez? Can we make these things work even if we are not together? [Independent, Brexit Travel Advice]
Perhaps we should let the lawyers sort it out. I feel safer letting them take control, but it is expensive and I am worried I won’t be fully in control of the decision making process. I’ve heard such good things about dispute resolution options. It doesn’t have to be hostile. We can learn a thing or two about @ResFamilyLaw (www.resolution.org.uk) approach to conflict resolution. Should we mediate (www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk)?
Okay. So now we’re talking. We are looking at options and we are striking a deal. The negotiations have been long and hard. I feel worn out. I started out so tough yet now… everything you’re asking for… maybe you should just have it. Okay, I’ll admit it. I do feel a sense of culpability, leaving you like this. When we initially sat down and wrote a budget together, I was part of the household [Financial Times, Brexit Divorce Deal]. I know my responsibilities and I am prepared to deliver. For the next few years I’ll still have to contribute my share as if I had never left. And I’ll give a lump sum too, just for good measure. I have to make amends. I feel it’s all my fault.
But now there’s a backlash. My family aren’t happy. They say I’ve given too much away! Everyone is rejecting our deal. My Irish family are threatening to walk out, [The Guardian, DUP Threaten Sabotage] even though I’ve paid their bills for the next 5 years. But the house will fall down without their support… I need them to keep up the numbers, or it’s just me and the kids [BBC, Hung Parliament].
My financial planner says I’ll be poorer without you, and there’s much uncertainty ahead [Evening Standard,Britain will be poorer]. But there’s no turning back: I’ve made up my mind.
Time has passed. It is taking too long, we couldn’t come to an agreement and asked the court to decide. It’s cost me so much so far and I know there is more to come but we just don’t seem to be able to come to an agreement. I’m told this is the ‘only’ way if we can’t agree and yet I am still so scared. I feel helpless and at sea. I’ve taken a path and I have to follow it.
The day of final judgment looms. If we don’t reach an agreement by 21stJanuary [Financial Times, Brexit Timeline] the court will decide. I’m told that neither of us are bound to be happy if we have to get someone else to decide for us. No one said this was going to be easy [BBC News, EU Trade deal ‘easiest in human history’ says Fox].
I feel we have to get back to the negotiating able. Is it too late? Could we try another face-to-face meeting to try and salvage something? [CNN, EU tells May the deal is not up for renegotiation] That’s got to be a lot better than someone making a final decision for us.
Is it too late to try another process like arbitration www.ifla.org.uk? My advisors tell me it’s the future of conflict resolution when all else has failed. So much more efficient than court, all the technical skills, nowhere near the cost and a speedy decision that we both have to abide by. Why didn’t we try that sooner to save all this pain and cost?
I’m a mess. I’m broke. It’s cost me so much. I felt in charge and now I don’t know which way to turn.
Why won’t you answer my calls?
You’re in an unhappy place and you don’t know what to do. The relationship isn’t working. You’ve grown apart and you want different things. You’ve tried counselling. You’ve tried talking. You’ve argued a lot. You know you don’t feel the same way towards him/ her like you used to, yet you still don’t know if it’s the right thing to make the break. You’re at a cross roads, (in some cases a spaghetti junction). Your mind is a scramble and nothing seems right.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
It’s not unusual to find yourself facing obstacles to ‘moving on’. We, us humans, are complex creatures. Our psychological make up is defined by our experiences as children, which inform, influence, and shape and underpin our behaviours as adults. We live and learn (most of the time) from our observations, our experiences, and our mistakes. We manage constant decisions of an everyday nature and as we navigate through challenges in our work, family life, and our friendships. None of us are the same. We have unique DNA. Yet, it’s right to say that we all face similar emotions when faced with similar lifetime challenges and crises.
This article is about distilling the challenges to separation to help you understand where you are in your journey and help pave a clearer pathway for you.
Obstacle 1 ‘For the sake of the kids’
The kids are the most important thing to you. You don’t want to let them down. You think it might be better for them if you put your needs to one side, and wait until they are older before making the break.
Every family is different. Waiting might be the right thing to do. It’s also not unusual to find that many kids can welcome – indeed cope well with- a separation. Kids are like sponges, they watch adults’ behaviours and mimic them. They might feel sad at their parents separating but generally they find that they can be happy, in two homes filled with love than one home filled with tension. Children can take responsibility for their parents’ unhappiness, and might try to blame themselves. If the separation is handled mindfully and sensitively, your kids are likely to come out of it all a whole lot happier than if you stay together in a toxic and unhealthy dynamic. And, let’s not beat about the bush, kids might also welcome the benefits – another home, a double sets of presents, holidays, etc.
Obstacle 2 ‘Oh but the guilt’
You’re the one who had/ is having an affair. You know the marriage was broken before you met someone else, but he / she doesn’t see it like that. They thought everything was ‘fine’. But it wasn’t ‘fine’, how can they say it was ‘fine’? It was miserable, loveless, sexless, without affection and you know you couldn’t go on any more like that. Yet…. you still feel to blame. You feel bad for the hurt you caused. You want to make it better. You know you probably can’t plaster this over. The wound is deep. But you will try.
This obstacle can manifest in how you deal with the divorce. In some cases the ‘wrong doer’ is burdened with a sense of guilt and wants to ‘do right’. This might mean you want to be more generous in the financial settlement. It’s understandable. You are human, after all. However the divorce court does not penalise the ‘one who had the affair’. The court separates the finances from the reasons for the divorce. It is only in exceptionally rare cases that behaviour in a marriage will affect the financial outcome.
Obstacle 3 – The fear
Ugh, the fear of the unknown. Very few people relish uncertainty. You don’t know what to expect. You don’t know where you will live, how often you will see the kids, whether you can afford ‘all this’. You might think that doing nothing and living with what you’ve got is better than taking the big step into the unknown. But you also know you can’t carry on as you are.
You’re afraid of letting people down. Your parents are in strong lifelong committed relationship and how can you possibly tell them you are separating from your partner. You’re probably terrified. You might feel ashamed.
You are not alone. These feelings are entirely normal. Uncertainty can be managed by getting legal advice to know what your rights are and to give you a better idea of what to expect. Moving on doesn’t mean you are letting people down or that you should feel ashamed. It means you are human and you care about these things. Don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from moving on.
Obstacle 4 – Time
It has been said “time heals all wounds”. “Time is the longest distance between two places”. It is true! You’re hurting but you’re fed up of being told that time will heal your wounds. It’s a platitude that’s easy to dish out along with ‘let’s have a cup of tea’. Yet you don’t always want sympathy and this can grate. You know you need time for the wounds to heal and then you can move on, but you want it to happen NOW.
So, this is natural. Yes, pain is hard and you want the pain to go away. But the five stages of grief make up our learning to come to terms with what’s happened and the loss we feel. You need to let them take their course. You may have moved on from the denial stage, or the anger, the bargaining, and the depression. You might even be moving into the acceptance stage but boy is this taking a long time. One friend of mine took a year to hit the social scene after a painful break up, preferring to stay home alone in front of the TV and wood burner, than face the bright lights and loud music of the city’s singles and bar scene. The first time she went ‘out out’, she said felt like a rabbit in the headlights, and bolted back to the safety of her home to lick her wounds. You see, it WAS too soon for her. Yes! She needed TIME. Give yourself time. Don’t rush this. Go at your own pace.
Or perhaps you simply don’t have the time it dedicate to working out how and when to separate… You are ‘just too busy’….. The kids must come first. You’ve got the christening of the best man’s baby daughter as well as Aunt Joan’s second wedding coming up and you really should put on a united front for that.
The thing is – there is probably no good time to separate. Are you putting off the inevitable? Or will time give you the chance to work out what is the right thing to do. Only you know the answer to that but perhaps a good starting point is to get some discrete advice from someone who knows about these things and who can help.
Divorce lawyers – we have a bad press but a lot of us really do care about our clients. We don’t assume you’ve come to see us about a divorce. The first thing we ask is “how can I help” and the second is “do you want to save your marriage”.
Obstacle 5 – Money
Every family is different. Many families simply cannot afford to rent 2 homes or live in 2 homes. There might not be enough to go around. “We can’t afford a divorce”. Arguably it depends on what you consider to be ’cost’. The potential damage to your physical health, mental health, and your children by staying in an unhappy marriage has a cost. Is this is a cost you want to pay?
The thought of legal fees may also be scary. Many lawyers offer discounted rates for first meeting. There are pro bono centres offering legal advice such as CAB (www.citizensadvice.org.uk) and local Law Centres. In Cambridge there is the Anglia Law School Law Clinic (www.anglia.ac.uk) and in Norwich there is Norfolk Community Law Service (www.ncls.co.uk)
Legal aid is no longer available, other than in more exceptional cases and mediation.
How about DIY? Did you know that in 2018 the government introduced an online FREE divorce portal called ‘Get a Divorce’ and which can be found at www.gov.uk/apply-for-divorce? You’ll still need to pay the (rather hefty) court fee – currently £550 but low income earners can apply for a reduction on that fee.
Finances and children may also need to be sorted out. You will be well advised to get advice and representation for that. Yet, the more you and your spouse can agree between you, the less the costs will be. Many lawyers are happy to work on a ‘pay-as-you-go’ basis or what is known as ‘unbundled’ in the trade. Seeing a divorce lawyer is not a conveyor belt to a contested expensive divorce. Yes, in some cases the costs can be eye watering but there might be good reasons for that. Most cases can be settled out of court using lawyers, using mediation (www.familymedationcouncil.org.uk) and for those that need more formality there is also arbitration (www.ifla.org.uk).
Obstacle 6 – Letting go
It’s really hard to let go of something that was once so precious and special…. So familiar comfortable, natural. But it’s part of the rite of passage to the future and to help you move on. It’s hard to let go of the hopethat you had for your future. To realign your expectation that life is going to look very different to how you envisaged. You know, give yourself time, get good advice, and surround yourself with those who love you. The future could be a lot brighter than you think it might be.
If you think we can help you overcome the obstacles to moving on, get in touch.
FM Family Law